Look well to this day.

Look to this day for it is life, the very life of life.
In its brief course lie all the realities and truths of existence,
the joy of growth, the splendor of action, the glory of power.

For yesterday is but a memory, and tomorrow is only a vision.
But today well lived makes every yesterday a memory of happiness,
and every tomorrow a vision of hope.

Look well, therefore, to this day.

This ancient Sanskrit proverb has always been a favorite verse of mine and has been an important reminder for me to live in the present and to take time to be grateful for the day, the moment that I have – right now. This is especially meaningful as I get closer and closer to actually retiring from the routine of work and as I wonder, increasingly it seems, if I am truly ready. It seems that in this particular area of my life it is becoming a little less easy to “live in the now” as much as I know I should. I am currently beset by thoughts that I know are not productive;

I’m running out of time!! Retirement means much of my life is behind me!! It’s downhill from here!!

And as true as those statements may be, I know that this type of thinking is only driven by one thing – FEAR!

This fear makes me look at things in a negative light rather than seeing the “joy, splendor, and glory” of what I have, where I am, and how I’m living my life. I have come to understand though that fear can actually be a good thing IF we choose to see it as a message that we need to take action on. Of course, fear is valuable in as much as it tells us to remove ourselves from a potentially dangerous situation – like the edge of cliffs for example, or seeking safety in a storm. Sometimes it is a little more subtle and appears to us in order to say “hey, you may not want to go down that path” or “that’s perhaps not the wisest decision” – we occasionally call this our instinct or gut feeling. However, the hardest message that fear sends to me is the one that says “you know, you’re the only one holding yourself back here” or “you’re not good enough, (or ready enough), for what’s ahead of you”. And that I realize is probably where I am right now. After all the planning; all the preparation; all the positive steps Diane and I have taken, fear is providing this opportunity to let me say either “no. I am not ready and I need to do more work” or “yes, I have come to this place in my life well prepared for whatever lies ahead”. So since this appears to me to be very clearly a matter of choice, I have looked at our preparations and plans, re-calculated budgets and at least temporarily I have been able to put aside (most of) my doubts. I have concluded that indeed, I’m ready!! Of course you all know me well enough by now to realize I’ll probably go through this exercise on a regular basis until I am able to move this positive realization from my head to my heart and conquer the fear completely.

This fear of the future is what I need to use to get back to living in the moment. A few weeks ago I had a conversation with Mike, a colleague at work who told me about a discussion with a friend he has, who is about my age. He had recently said that he looked at his love of skiing and realized he perhaps only had 10 more years of being physically able to ski as much as he loved to do so he needed to take advantage of all of those years. If I translate that to my own situation and into a realistic expectation for a healthy, active life of say 80 years then there are potentially only twenty more summers to spend with our kids and the grandchildren! Only twenty Christmas’s! Only twenty Thanksgiving dinners! Only twenty birthdays! My first thought was that this was a rather morbid way to look at things but as I’ve given it more consideration I am able to see it as a very positive approach – especially since there is no guarantee that I actually do have 20 more years. I’m able to see it as a catalyst to look differently on things or events yet to happen.

Diane and I recently enjoyed a few days at our home in North Carolina, a trip we take every year around this time to see the changing of the leaves – one of nature’s most amazing sights. I thought about the conversation Mike and I had and told myself that perhaps I had only twenty more of these magnificent events to participate in. Almost at once I realized how fortunate I was, and have been, to enjoy this most wonderful transition of the seasons. More importantly, how vitally important it was to ensure that I enjoyed every minute of this one. The one here in 2014. And so it was that I had one of the most remarkable week’s enjoying the beauty of the mountains, not because perhaps we only have twenty left, but because it was the one we had right here, right now. Somehow, it seemed to give me a different perspective and made the experience more memorable. We didn’t find ourselves comparing the colors to last year, or “2010, the best year ever”. We just took each day of our stay as it came and enjoyed whatever the day – and the weather – brought us and actually took time to say to each other how grateful we were for what we have and where we are in our lives. No comparisons. No regrets. No what might have been. No would have, could have, should have.

So it is that I am newly committed to the concept of “one day at a time” and taking a few minutes each day to be consciously grateful for all I have and to look down at my feet to realize exactly where I am!  As a dear friend Arnie C. always says;

Yesterday is a cancelled check; tomorrow is a promissory note; today is CASH! Spend it wisely.

We will definitely try to do that!!!

Until the next one, Namaste