Most Good Things are Simple

Most good things are simple

…and most simple things are good. I’m not sure when I first heard this phrase but I can assure you most definitely that I didn’t believe it.

You see, for too much of my life I had been trying to make things “happen” both in my professional career as well as in my home life with my wife and family. This invariably meant doing something contrary to what everyone else wanted to do; or trying to change decisions that had been made because they didn’t fit my “plan”; or on more occasions than I care to admit, simply because I wanted to be “different” or argumentative! I enjoyed the chaos it created way too much. I would very often fight for something that I really didn’t want or care about rather than simply accept something that was clearly good for me or was so obviously the right thing to do. Observers of my life would often see people around me shaking their heads in disbelief or in frustration at my behavior. Now, much of this was a direct result of a pretty serious drinking problem that I had for a long time, (much more about that in other blogs on the site), but I would be remiss if I tried to blame it ALL on that. Even today after several years of happy, healthy, and relatively successful sobriety, I can (and sometimes do) revert to some of those old destructive, argumentative tendencies – most often with those I love the most and who are closest to me.

So recently I have set about trying to consciously work on that specific defect of my character that for some reason I, with help from my Higher Power, seem unable to remove from my life entirely. I did this because after a recent two and a half week vacation with Diane it became starkly real to me that we are going to be spending an awful lot of time together in retirement. If I don’t want that time burdened with frequent, unnecessary outbursts of silliness and selfishness (mine not Diane’s), I’m going to have to work to change this particular string in my DNA!

So as with all of my other idiosyncrasies, the first step of recognizing that there was a problem has been taken, but I’ve been around this block enough times to know that’s just the beginning. I’m going to have to put some concrete actions into place to start the process of minimizing the controlling, confrontational behavior; hopefully stretching the cadence of the outbursts of craziness out with the goal of ultimately eliminating them from our lives altogether. Many of these actions may sound silly or overly simple but that’s the point remember – most good things are simple and most simple things are good!

So even though these may be obvious to most, here are the first three things I’m doing to get this particular “project” underway;

• I’m going to really try to adhere to the suggestion to “pause when agitated”; trying to take a few seconds to think about a reaction before actually making it. I’ve recognized that many times my first thought is WRONG! What a surprise! However, I’ve historically had a very difficult time reversing my commitment to that thought for fear of looking foolish hence the combative, defensive posture I become accustomed to taking which has exactly the opposite effect and makes me look even more foolish. If there were awards for taking a strong position on totally immaterial issues I would need a large room just to put them all in. I can’t help myself, for some reason I feel compelled to argue over stupid stuff! So, each time a situation arises that I see could go the wrong way I am making a concerted effort to take those few seconds, ask myself “how important is this really?” and hopefully move quickly on, especially when the answer is “not really that important at all”.
• Next, since I’m pretty sure I won’t be successful right off the bat I’m going to attempt to document everything about any future occurrences to see if there’s any particular pattern to them. In the past when trying to address specific issues in my life I’ve been surprised and thankful to see that there is often a very clear and repetitive component that can, with a little work, be adjusted to make the problem go away, or at least arrest it for a while. I’m not sure that there will be something in this case or not but looking at the lead up to the event might shed some light on what may be going on here.
• And third, I’m asking for help! As hard as that is always for me to do I’m letting those closest to me, including you if you’re reading this I guess, to call me out when you see me acting this way in the future – you have my permission!! I know that most times it’s a lot easier to just walk away and wait for the storm to pass but I really do need people in my life who will tell me what I don’t want to hear. That’s been true personally, and professionally, for my whole life. Even though I never realize it until well after it’s happened it has been clear that my real growth has come either from adversity or from someone who cared about me enough to tell me that my actions or reactions were unacceptable in some way and actually got me to look at what they were saying. Sorry it’s taken me so long but some of us are thicker than others.

Of course, I will continue to include this in my daily prayer and meditation list of things I ask my HP to take care of and show me her will, but until I’m able to use what she gives me constructively I will keep working on this, and other, defects of character until it’s but a distant memory – in the meantime let me know how I’m doing!

Until the next one, Namaste